12 December 2013

Last 12th of 2013

Hey Everyone,

Today is 11 months since Alice died and it is the last 12th in this year which in a way i find really sad. I miss her so so much. It feels as if time hasn't moved on, but the people and world around me has. Some people have been sending christmas cards saying stuff like " Have the best christmas ever" or "May this christmas be jolly", and i find it quite offensive that people are sending cards like that to me, mum and dad. They aren't thinking at all and i know they don't mean to be be offensive or sound disrespectful but it feels like that to me. I know this christmas is going to be the hardest christmas i've ever had and i'm not really looking forward to it. We are going skiing this year over Christmas, so on christmas day i will be on the slopes skiing, which is one of my favourite things to do, but Alice absolutely hated it with a passion, which makes us feel less guilty, as she wouldn't have wanted to come skiing. For our christmas dinner we are going to have pizza or something really un-Christmassy and the dogs will be happy cos Nan and Grandad are moving in to look after them while we're away :)

It's my sister's birthday this Sunday and me, mum, dad and the pups are going away somewhere we can walk with the dogs. I am going to take my running stuff and if i have the energy, go for runs with Mabel. Alice would have been 18 and we thought some of you might like to give a present to Alice and leave a message. What we have done is set up a just giving page where you can donate as much or as little money as you want to go to Rainbow Trust Charity, who have really being there for us.

I am now volunteering at Oxfam every Saturday and its been good so far and i have met some other people around my age that also volunteer there. I mainly help sort and tag the clothes but sometimes i go on the till. I'm not the biggest fan of the till, there are so many buttons to press for different things, it does confuse me most of the time.

This term at school has been so full on work wise, we have literally been working ridiculously hard and i have learnt so much. I have my 3 mocks after Christmas, PE Theory, PE practical and Biology. Out off all the subjects i do these 2 i find the hardest, except from the practical side of PE - i love that.
I am so scared about the actual exams though because i'm defiantly not the most academic kid in the school, i'm much more outdoorsy. In most lessons i look out the window and see the mountains on the other side of the lake and every time I look at them i think to myself 'I wish i was up there today, instead of being stuck inside'. I have so much homework, essays and revision to do for after Christmas, i really to remember to make time, which I always seem to forget.

My mum warned me before i went to Kili that you get addicted and i completely ignored this because i thought what a silly thing to say but now that i am back from Kili, I couldn't agree more. I can't wait for my next challenge and i'm excited to just climb a mountain again. I didn't think i would make it to the summit of Kilimanjaro at all but I did and i felt so amazing and on top of the world. One of Alices Escapes fundraisers, Steve who is very into climbing and trekking, bought me a book about all the mountains above 8000m and it is such an an incredible book with awesome pictures. It made me think a lot about what i want to achieve and believe it or not i have seriously been thinking about climbing Everest when i'm older, i think the feeling you would have if you reached the summit would be the most amazing and mind blowing feeling you could ever have - you are literally at the top of the world. But thats in the future i am not going to attempt climbing it now :) haha. Last week Steve got me an epic poster which was a picture of everest, K2 and all the massive mountains in Nepal and it is signed by some of the most amazing mountaineers.

I hope everyone has a merry christmas and a happy new year.
Bye For Now,

Milly x


24 comments:

  1. Thanks for the update! I've been meaning to do it since first reading Alice's blog and I'm sorry it has taken this long, but this past week I got registered in my country's bone marrow registry.

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    1. That's brilliant, thank you so much :)

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  2. Wow. I don't blame you for thinking that such 'good wishes' for the holidays are insensitive. It goes without saying that life right now is difficult and no 'special' day will remove the pain and sorrow. I hope your time away will give you energy to face the future... All the best with your exams.

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  3. To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
    I will just say this to you young miss Pyne,Follow your dreams, and Alice will be beside you always.And know this to be true, people who never met Alice cared for her almost as much you do. May the Angels always watch over you.

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  4. Donated. You're amazing - stay strong! Love to you and your family - and enjoy skiing! xx

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  5. Hi Sweet Milly - So good to hear from you, and also, to remember your beloved sister, Alice....I do know how you feel these days because I lost my oldest brother when I was a younger woman. I remember being angry that the world was just continuing on, like nothing had happened ! People still went out to dinner, laughed, sent Christmas cards, and I was in so much pain....Yes, it's so hard and such a hard part of life at such a young age as you are. I also laughed to myself when I read what you said about school - looking out the window wishing you were out there -I did that too !! But you'll make it through with flying colors because I can tell from your writing what a bright, determined young woman you are. How many people can say they climbed Kili ! And at your age !! Oh my - you are going to have quite a full exciting life ahead of you with such strength and determination that you have ! You'll never stop thinking of dear Alice, as I think of my loving brother every single day - but it will get a little easier over time, and you will remember all the fun times you had together growing up. Stay strong sweet girl - "the best is yet to be" ...... Blessings to you and your family - sounds like skiing is a WONDERFUL idea for Christmas - BRILLIANT as the Brits say !! Over here, in the USA, the kids would say 'AWESOME" !! Either way - have a relaxing holiday with your Mum and Dad xx

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  6. I lost my sister when I was 24 and she was 23, she was sick not the same as Alice though. I'm 32 now and I lost my little girl a few years ago so I kinda been in your shoes as a sister who has lost a sister and your mums aaa mum who's lost a child. I still remember that first Christmas without my sister and I just wanted to tell you that it does get easier than the first as time goes on

    Your plans for Alice's birthday and Christmas sound great.

    Have a peaceful Christmas Milly, and to your mum and dad as well and of corse remembering Alice always xx

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  7. Hey Milly
    This is going to be a horrible month in so many ways and yes people are thoughtless and uncaring, but I know from your messages that you have a wonderful support network and that is where you should focus your energy.
    I think going skiing is a great idea, I just got off the phone with my good friend whose mum died this year and she and her family are off to hawaii. Don't be afraid to use all the distractions you can find! Maybe you can practise some mountain climbing while you are there, have you seen touching the void though? That might rid you of some of your passion!
    Thinking of you and your family and wishing I could get one more post from Alice telling us all how proud she is of you
    Naomi xoxo

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    1. I've just watched Touching the void and I'm reading the book too. Unfortunately for my mum, it hasn't put me off ;)

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  8. Thank u Milly, I suppose it's terrible for, you... We are all with you. Merry Christmas!
    Ivy

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  9. Alice will be looking down on you all at Christmas -she'll also be thinking 'Pah, skiing!'. I know that it's going to be a difficult Christmas for you all so my thoughts are with you xox

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  10. Hello beautiful,
    Of course you dont want the kids of cards that seem all happy happy when all you feel is pain at this time. Its ok to feel that way and certainly alright to,say it.people don't know, they just are going about doing the best they can, like you are. I do hope that the pain of this year breaks way, eventually , to mostly good memories, although, you will always feel an empty space for your sister.

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  11. Happy birthday to Alice. I hope that you and your parents enjoy your ski trip. You are an amazing girl :)

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  12. Be strong, Milly. For a lot of reasons, Christmas isn't a good time here too, and I guess I understand just a little your pain. Unfortunately, I can't hug you now, once I live in Brazil - but I ask all the love in the world to you. Best wishes to you and your family. Alice always will be in our thoughts.

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  13. People who send cards only mean well, Milly... I know you know that! The entire will never know just how much Alice meant to you all. The world, as a whole, just wants you all to be happy because you're GOOD PEOPLE! Good people deserve to be happy... great people, like Alice, never deserve to die so young. We'll forever be confused by God's will.

    I do hope that you find blessing this holiday season... Happy Birthday to Alice.... have fun on the slopes! With love from Texas.

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  14. Dear Milly,

    If I still cry everytime I read something about Alice, I can have a slight idea of your hearts are.

    So I just will wish you and your parents strength to carry on because I'm sure that is Alice's wish.

    Lots of love from Brazil,
    Sheila.

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  15. It is 11 years since my husband died.Until this year, on that day we planted primroses (his favourite flower) on the roadside verge where it happened. Now it's a sheet of yellow flowers in Spring. But it's the doing something special and meaningful I recommend.
    Those who send you such cards are very thoughtless.

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  16. I share a birthday with Alice and this year I thought about her and you and your family all through the day. I put an extra candle on the cake too :)

    This is going to be a tough Christmas for you all, I think going away is going to be a brilliant way to spend the time. I know how proud she must be of you, look at what you've done in the most difficult of circumstances. Loads of people would have just crumbled but you have achieved more in this one year than most people do in a lifetime.

    Your mum and dad have raised 2 completely fabulous and inspirational young women so they must be pretty amazing people too. I couldn't climb a mountain if I tried. I hope you can look back on the year and see that in spite of the pain you have carried on like a hero. Alice knew you would, she was immensely proud of you.

    I wish you all happy skiing and a lovely pizza! x

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  17. Hey Milly, you are such an inspiration... i admire your strengh and how you are facing life challenges with your nice smile. Keep living, keep writing -you do it quite well!- enjoy your school years, keep loving your family... you deserve the best. Alice would be so, so proud of you. Skiing and pizza seem to be a great plan so far :) Regards from Spain.

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  18. Hope the ski-ing and pizza hit the right spot for you all this week. Christmas does have a tendency to make tough times even harder so very pleased to hear you had all made a plan to do something so different this year.

    Hope you've remembered to set aside some time for revision too but don't stress over mocks too much, they are like a dress rehearsal so can help you work out what you really need to get your teeth stuck into ahead of the final exams.

    Very exciting to see where this new found passion for mountain climbing will take you next!

    Sending much peace to you all xxx

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  19. Dear sweet Milly,

    I know this holiday season was hard for you all but I do hope you were able to find some joy in it. And may this new year be one full of hope and blessings.

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  20. I have a sister fighting stage 4 cancer now. She had a small tumor almost 9 years ago. It was removed and everything was great for 8 years. It returned; it was removed. We were on top of the world (thinking of your mountain quest there). Now, it's back and the doctors make no promises.

    She will fight. My sister knows no other way. I have that confidence but I understand what you mean about the holidays. I felt wrong even saying Merry Christmas.

    Our family didn't exchange presents this year. Our gifts were each other. I don't know what next Christmas holds or if I will face it without my sister.

    I am 45 this February so I have had my sister longer than you have. She leaves children and grandchildren. Know this: you are such a comfort as your sister was an inspiration. To those who suffer along with their loved ones, I don't think peace ever comes truly. I think we grow to live with it and understand that the cycle of life is different for all of us. It doesn't really matter how much time we get. It is how we spend that time that matters. Your sister made such a mark while she was here. I know that I would take comfort in the lives that she touched.

    Thank you, Milly, for being a good sister. Climb your mountains. She would want you to do it. Her spirit will always be with you, encouraging you, as she encouraged others.

    Be blessed!

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  21. You speak words beyond your years Milly and it's not fair or right; my big sister had hodgkins as well, although at 21 I am a little older than you. I think Alice will be so proud of you, whatever you do and however you do in your exams. I went through my A levels and two lots of University exams while my sister was poorly - I promise you can do it!! I get angry at people who get it wrong too, no one gets it and sometimes it seems to just make things a million times harder. Pizza for christmas dinner sounds awesome, I am a bit jealous. All you have to do is keep smiling and Alice will keep the sun shining for you xxxx

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